I don't have any school today so I'm trying to find something to do. Yesterday I had to go out to get my mom some stuff at the store before it really stared to get bad. Now my parents don't want me to go anywhere. Driving in crap really dose not bother me too much anymore. I would have gone to school today but I think its nice to have a few days that I can just relax and catch up. Ive been pretty sick with the flu for the past week, and its just starting to get better. Now I don't really feel sick but I'm just coughing all the time now. Its a little strange. I missed my presentation on ovarian cancer today, not really that big of a deal. Its crazy though, my professor in that class is terrible, the class average is an F. I'm getting a c-, and I really hope that he curves the grades big time. I'm probably going to spend a little more time today trying to get my story's for my short story class in line. I'm supposed to have done 10 exercises, with two major corrections, and two main story's.
I'm really just procrastinating right now though. I'm playing a game on my computer right now, doing homework, and this at the same time. Who says I cant multi task, even if it is totally ineffective. I might just stop everything and just go take a shower here shortly.
I'm a little more happy now that I'm almost done with classes here at Kirkwood. Its been an on and off two years. Its hard to believe that its really been two years, and I'm 21. God, where did my life go? Its been pretty nice coming back to Iowa City this semester because I'm starting to meet old high school friends. One of them convinced me to come back on facebook. I decided to make a new account because I have not really been on my old one in years. Ive also met a few girls in class who have taken me out to eat a few times. One took me to Kanomi (some fancy sushi bar)and the other took me to Three Samurai. We had a deal that I would pay for food and they would pay for drinks. Wasn't really a date, but it was nice to get out with some girls for a change. For some reason I always enjoy the company of a girl more then a guy. I just have such a problem with keeping what I catch. Anyway, I hope you have a nice day.

I’m back. And a lot has been going on since midsummer. My brother moved up to Cedar Rapids and as a result I had to come back here to finish out my last year out at Kirkwood. It was probably for the best to save my parents and me from some financial hardship down the future. So I guess it’s nice to be back home again and out of Cedar Rapids because I really did hate living up there. Now that I get along with my parents better than I did in high school I don’t think living together has been too much of an issue. When I moved back it felt like I had never really been gone in the first place. It almost felt like the whole reason that I went up to Cedar Rapids was to just disappear for awhile. I managed to make a few friends, and get to know a few class mates. Now that I’m back home I feel pretty lonely. I don’t really think anyone from high school even cares that I’m around, and I guess that might be because I’ve been cold and distant to people who actually wanted me around. I have class with a few people that I recognize from high school, but I haven’t really gotten to spend time or hang out. Don’t get me wrong I’ve made friends and have attempted dating but I haven’t really had any long term success with any. I can remember going out on a date with two girls and they all went to nowhere, and I almost think it has something to do with me. That’s the story of my life isn’t it, Ill blame myself for everything and then beat myself up for it. Trying to do that has just been a drain on my emotions and energy. I’ve been trying to justify my lack of a strong social life by just being a complete workaholic who really has no time for anything else. I suppose it keeps me looking at the big picture instead of taking my eye off of the ball, but I still get really lonely and depressed when I don’t have anything to do. Now that I’m in Iowa City I hope that I can just wrap up my last year at Kirkwood and then finish another two years at Iowa. It looks like I’m on track to do that if I just keep on doing what I’m doing. Hopefully being around Iowa City will allow me to be exposed to more people and be able to get to know more people instead of feeling so isolated.
For now I’ll try to update this thing more often. I think it’s good for me to come here to get some things off of my chest every now and then, even if nobody ever reads this. I have to get to class here in about 5 minutes so I’ll try to write later. Have a nice day. :-)

I know I should get on this more often I should be doing just that as soon as this semester ends. Imagine what it would be like to have your entire semester condensed down into one month. Its basically what I'm doing right now. Although I have to admit that I kind of like it better then a typical semester just because I can get it all over with. School is going OK i suppose, my mid term grades are B's as of now so hopefully I can get them up to an A by the end of the semester which I believe is early July. At least my textbooks were cheep this semester because I bought them online on some branch of ebay called half.com, which looks like it deals specifically with college students. When I want to buy something I just usually go there to get it.
Bad news. Our dog died a few weeks ago so my parents are pretty depressed about the dog not being around the house anymore. I think my parents are going to get a new one but I guess they want a break from a dog for now. 14 years is pretty impressive for a large dog I have to admit, but those last two years were just terrible for her. Its just not going to be the same around the house with out a dog. My parents got her ashes last week but they really haven't made up their minds whether they want to keep them or let them go at her favorite spot. I guess that I made up my mind that I'm going to get a cat instead of a bunny (the bunny I was looking at was adopted by someone else). I cant decide if I want to get a kitten or a young cat. I'm probably going to stop by in a few more weeks to see if those kittens will be available for adoption, and if not then I guess I might just settle for the young cat but I guess time will tell.
Personally I think this week has been way to hot for my tastes. I went biking Thursday night and it was still 81 degrees outside. I just hope the summer isent too hot or its not going to be really fun going out and biking. I ended up getting caught in the rain yesterday on my bike so maybe it will just rain whenever I'm out on my bike. I'm sorta trying to correct my partners paper on the sidelines while doing this so sorry if it looks broken up and messy. Ill try to write later if I have the time. See ya.

I know it's been a month, Sorry. Ive been pretty busy with school. I just got off of my Comp II class a few minutes ago. I decided to take classes over the summer so I could catch up to where I honestly should be. Nine credits isent too bad for summer classes I suppose. My Comp II teacher is pretty awesome, he's Russian, has an accent, and likes to curse and say "man" a lot. Its really weird the way he grades though. We have to make a portfolio, and at the end of the semester he will grade our portfolios. I would like to have a summer where I could do and go where I wanted but with school and all I'm suck. A job really isent an issue anymore. I quit working at Subway so I could take care of classes this summer. I made it a priority that I'm going to get at least an A in the classes I'm taking this summer. Last semester wasent too bad, I managed to scrape away with mostly B's with one C in my history class. School, School, Blah, Blah.
I'm trying to get my dad to go on ragbrai with me this year. I was planing on going with a group of biking buddy's. I don't know if I can really afford to skip classes this year if I want to get an A. I want to go but I should probably skip that idea this summer. I've been trying to get out in the sun more by biking around town. It been so nice the past two weeks that I really dont mind going out every day and biking. I've learned the two most important factors in losing weight are cardio workouts (biking, running, swimming, ect) and having a good diet. I figure if I'm going to be working out I might as well be doing it to get somewhere. Ive made a habbit of going at least 10 miles a day on my bike. I like to go 20 miles as well but it usually takes three hours to do a 20 mile trip. I told a friend at my brothers graduation party that I was going 20 miles a day and he dident believe me. I'm not really in too bad of shape but its nice to get out and exercise at least once everyday.
A girl friend at school keeps on talking about getting The Sims 3. I swear its like the only game that most girls have any interest in at all. Theres nothing more fun then doing all the things you do everyday all over again in a video game. I really fail to understand how people can become so addicted to a game like that. To each his own I suppose. Is it just me or dose a girl who plays video games just seem more attractive? Maybe its just some weird twisted fantasy that only I have. Ah, I cant really think of anything else to write about. Well, I'm going to catch some sun. See ya.

This week has been pretty interesting so far. My apartment lost power for about 30 minutes last night during the string of thunderstorms we had. It looked like Cedar Rapids managed to miss most of the storm, but Waterloo and Ames got a good chunk of the storm. My parents stopped by around 3 so I could get my groceries. We stopped by Sam’s club for a good 40 minutes and then ate at Buffalo Wild Wings. I usually always get the chicken tenders with a side of mango habanero. It was good but I kinda wish that I would have picked Quiznos instead because I always feel so bloated after I eat there. I guess my dad was talking to some people at work about some government jobs up in Alaska, and he tossed the idea that I could go up there for the summer and earn a little cash while getting to see the sights. That would be fun but I’m not too sure about spending my entire summer up in Alaska, I told my dad that the mosquitoes up there would probably eat me alive. I would really like to get school done before I go and travel the world. It’s really hard to choose between more school and more money, but I think I’m doing the right thing by choosing more school. After BWW we went to the target right across the street, but it was so stupid. I guess they were upset about all the tornado warnings that were going on so they wouldn’t let people shop, and were planning on making people wait an hour. The major storms weren’t even in our county, and they kicked us out. Seriously, why didn’t they just lock the doors if they didn’t want people to shop? We went over to Wal-Mart instead, got my groceries and another copy of GTA IV.

I skipped out on my psych class today, so I’m going to have to turn some stuff in before she leaves today around 5 if I want to get full points. Last Thursday I went to the holocaust remembrance speech, which was nice but I was kind of bummed out because only her daughter was able to come. Mind you this lady is 85 years old so I can understand why but still it was a major let down. It was a nice story to hear, and one that we should all probably go out of our way to hear every now and then. I managed to get some extra credit points out of the whole thing as well so it was really a win win for me. Sorry for not writing as much. It’s getting down to the wire and with work and school it’s hard to have time for anything. Finals are coming up for me mid May so I want to make sure that I end this semester nicely. So I will try to write more when I get the chance to do so. Well, I’m going to go turn this work in before my psych teacher decides to leave. It’s not as nice weather wise as it was last week but at least I won’t get soaked on my bike. Have a nice day.

Well I’m back home for Easter. I’m spending my last few hours doing this while watching Pocahontas. Last time I watched it must have been back in junior high. Its been such a long time since I watched it, and its such a beautiful film. I’m at the part where Pocahontas is singing that colors of the wind song. It reminds me of a lot of nice things.
I went out with my grandparents and parents to have some Mexican. Tomorrow I’m going to have an Easter dinner with both my grandparents and parents. It’s really nice because I don’t have to work the weekend, and we are closed down Easter day. I ended up having good Friday off for school so it was pretty nice to have a weekend that I don’t have to worry about homework too much.
I was looking at my senior pictures yesterday and I couldn’t help but notice how skinny I was back then. There are a lot of things I don’t like about myself. I used to be called penguin by a few people early in high school because my nose looked like "the penguins" nose. I think I’m more self-conscious about myself then most people. I’ve never really been popular and don’t have too many friends at one time. I may have been a little arrogant at times because I wanted to convince myself that I looked better then most people. I suppose everyone has that little touch of arrogance to them about their looks. Its just hard to accept my lot in life sometimes, and I would like to think that im destine for great things. In fact the only thing that keeps me going forward is believing that the next day will be better then the last. Next thing you know you wake up and days have passed, months, seasons, and years. And you feel like you have gone nowhere, but your still standing in the same place when you first got there. While everyone else has climbed the mountain you’re still stuck looking at the top. A lot of times I would find myself staying up all night and then sleeping all day. I would mess up my biological clock and I would always be tired and never feel like doing anything. For a full year and a half I wasted money and time doing nothing but lying in bed. Eventually sometime late last year when I moved into my new apartment I decided to change my habits. I started to keep my apartment clean all the time, and by just being able to keep my apartment clean consistently I felt more independent then I had ever felt in my life. I started to come to class regularly, and turn in my work on time. This year has been great that I’ve been able to change my life around, and start to take care of myself. I’m tired of living life full of depression, obsession, anger, hopelessness, and lust. I still think about the good memories and even dwell on bad ones from time to time, but I feel like I’m finally starting to take my first steps. Hopefully, I can put a very depressing chapter of my life behind me. And maybe in the future I can eventually I regain the respect of those who lost their trust in me. Sorry, to those reading I just had to get that off of my chest. I know I tend to repeat a lot of the same crap, but it’s nice just to be able to have a place to vent your emotions sometimes.
Only one thing has me really depressed right now though. I was forced to drop my Comp II class because of poor attendance despite the fact that I was getting a B in the class! I was angry for two days, ugh. So I’m forced to talk to the dean of students this Monday to get this whole situation fixed. For now I’m just going to relax for now and I’m going to finish watching this film. Talk to ya later.

I cant put my finger on it but for some reason I feel depressed right now. I finished work about a few hours ago, and now I'm working on homework, guitar, and this at the same time. I'm tired and bored but I thought that I would take some time to write. I'm back in school this week which is actually exciting to me. My Spring Break wasn't too bad, but it was just really boring. My brother got to go off to Florida while I got the car for the week. Its shocking how much more money you spend when you have a car, and even worse I just felt really lazy and tired having a car. But after not driving a car for about a year I was pretty amazed at how quickly I could get somewhere. I had to give the car back last Sunday. Before I did I had to stop by the guitar center to get my E-string replaced, and find a new electric tuner. I wasn't really able to play guitar for a month so I've been pretty excited to start playing it again. St. Patrick's Day wasn't any better. Its probably the most pointless holiday ever, It's just another excuses to get drunk. I was working that night and I was trying to get some really heavy beer, but it turns out everyone was already drunk or getting drunk. So I wasn't able to get my one bottle of Lager that night. Honestly, how sad is it that I'm not able to get one bottle of beer in this town when I actually want some. I feel so stupid asking someone who's 21 to buy me beer anyway. It was interesting, last week me and my dad were talking about beer and for the first time my dad asked me if I wanted to try his. You know, its almost scary how fast everyone seems to be growing up.
My new roommate showed up a few weeks ago, but I haven't heard or seen him since he said he was going to move his stuff in that day. I have no idea what is going on, but I really don't care too much about a roommate in the first place. If he wants to move in then he should be making the effort to find out all he needs to know. It shouldn't be my problem. Anyway, Its a little late, I have homework, and schools tomorrow. I'll try to write something more a little bit later. Have a nice night.

I've almost forgotten what great weather feels like. Not now because it's been raining outside for awhile, but 50 degrees just feels so nice. Right now, I would love nothing more then to continue my obsession over the new computer game I got Wednesday. Empire: Total War; Its a strategy game, and I like games that cause me to think instead of just play. I'm pretty sure its on the top 10 list of the best games I have ever played. When you spend one whole day playing a game its a good chance that it is really good. I'm taking a break off of it for now so I can write this and do some homework before my parents come up to get my groceries and get something to eat. I haven't been back in Iowa City since winter break, and it would be nice to hang out in downtown Iowa City. For now I'm a prisoner here in Cedar Rapids until I can buy a car or finish up here at kirkwood. I have a very bad habit of spending my money instead of saving it for things that are probably important. Even worse I'm pretty tired of working at subway. I'm sure anyone would get tired of working at a place like that for almost a year. Its not a hard job, but for that amount of pay it certainly feels like a pain. Although I have to admit that it certainly has caused me to be a more responsible and independent person all around.
These girls who live next door to me are annoying, ugh. They play their music too loud and gossip too much, why can they just put sound proof walls in here. I don't want to hear their entire conversation. Darn it I'm getting hungry too. I don't know but Chinese sounds really good right now. Not really too much to do right now. Ill probably go down to the coffee shop Sunday to study and talk with a bunch of classmates. I have to return some books I checked out from the library as well, one was about the Spanish civil war and another was a collection of different poets. I think I'm going to go watch some tv so I don't have to listen to this combination of gossip and rock music. Have a nice day. :)

I think I’ve come to appreciate ice cream sandwiches. I’ve eaten up half the box in three days. Neapolitan is probably the best ice cream invented, next to mint chocolate chip ice cream. It’s a really shame that Kirkwood doesn’t have a cold stone on campus. I suppose that it’s a good thing that I don't have unlimited access to ice cream otherwise I wouldn’t be in very good shape. I think I do a good job in keeping tabs on what I eat, and I always make a habit of looking at the nutrition facts before I buy something. The past week has just been exhausting. It’s been school at 9:00 to 11:00 with a few hours to get some lunch and go back to my apartment to do some homework and read. At 1:00 I have to be in psych and that lasts till 2:00, and around an hour and a half of free time before I have to head off to work at 3:30. I usually spend 4:00-10:30 at work and ever since five dollar footlongs have started up its been nothing but standing and making subs from 6:00 to 8:00 with people coming in constantly while I’m trying to clean up and do my other tasks. I always get the feeling that I’m overworked and underpaid. At least I’ve got the whole weekend off to basically just do whatever I want to do. I still have to study for my psych test this Monday, and I have a paper due for comp II as well. I got paid this Friday so I’m going to have to call my parents so they can bring back my cans of pop, clothes, and take my check and electric bill. My new roommate was supposed to come up this Friday but he hasn’t shown up, and I could really care less about having a roommate. I’ve had two people call me telling that they are moving in and then just don’t show up. I actually prefer to live by myself, and I could do without all the drunken pot smoking idiots who live all around me. I haven’t met a single person who doesn’t think getting drunk to have sex, and taking lots of drugs is stupid. People around here don’t know the meaning of responsibility, or “enough is enough”. It’s hard to really believe that I’m turning 21 this October, it just seems like time is just passing me by. I don’t know if anyone else feels like the world is just passing right ahead of them. Two years ago felt like yesterday and I can remember everything, how I felt, what I did, what I didn’t do, and what I should have done. I have a feeling that the next 9 years will go about as fast as the last two. And I still don’t know where I’m going to be in the next few months, let alone the next few years. I feel like I’m almost living in the past, and these random dreams that I have at night reminded me constantly. Yesterday I had a dream about Melrose Meadows, and it was crazy I could hear the juice machine, that weird click that the door made when it opened. At first I could only hear different sounds and then I could see the piano, tables, that large mirror in the corner, and the decaf and regular coffee. It was crazy because the place was empty but I could still hear everything and I could even here people I used to work with. I started to remember just random things, like how art always ordered a large ice tea and tomato or veggie juice. I could remember stupid times that I had with others that worked with me, like the whole “list” (about who had sex), and I can remember joking and saying, “Well, maybe you can help me get on the list.” phillip (aka, that weird guy who always came in as a guest to get free food) and somehow I became his princess leia, don’t ask me what that was about. Or those weird little pots that I gave to everyone. I can remember that I broke one of them, and I tried so hard to put it back together again. I had so many good memories about that place, and I miss a lot of the people I worked with there.
I went to drop my dad off at the eye clinic so he could get his laser eye surgery, which took about an hour to finish up. I was talking to him and I guess my brother had to go to the hospital because he had a collapsed lung. My dad and mom were pretty scared for awhile because they thought it had something to do with his heart, but he is going to be ok. I also found out my dog isn’t doing too hot back home. My mom is constantly having to feed her and she lies on the floor for most of the day, and she can hardly get around. I was telling my dad that it was probably getting to the point where it would just be more humane to just put her to sleep then to let her live like that. It’s honestly really hard to see a pet you love suffer like that especially when you can remember how active and energetic she once was. All the pets around the neighborhood that I knew while I was growing up are all dead, and the only one left is her. I suppose it’s just a fact of life in action.
Anyway, I’m probably going to get something to eat and then go finish up some homework. I’ll write something later. You have a nice day.

Happy Valentine Day! I have no idea why I was so tired last night; I managed to sleep from 9:00 to 7:30. I think you feel like crap if you sleep too much. I’m not too sure that I like the fact that we have more snow on the ground. I’ve always loved the snow, but if I didn’t have to walk though it I would love it even more. Right now I’m eating a bowl of cereal, going between typing this, and watching “In the shadow of the moon”. It’s such a beautiful documentary it’s kind of hard for me to go back and forth between it and this. I hope that someday we go back to the moon. I think I look like such a weirdo looking up at the sky sometimes while I’m walking from work back home. Speaking of work, I have to go to work today. I’m not really disappointed that I don’t have to spend money on Valentines Day. I would say that I’m a romantic person myself, but you shouldn’t be able to spend $59.99 to express your love to someone. It’s really a pointless holiday unless you have someone to shower gifts with. For me it’s just another reminder that I don’t have a girlfriend. I can remember back in elementary school when we all got candy on Valentines Day. It’s sad that we all can’t get showered with candy and flowers. I was reading the school paper yesterday about two people arguing for and against Valentines Day. I think it’s important to have a day like Valentines Day, but people shouldn’t shell out a lot of money for it. Doesn’t it mean more when someone personalizes what they give to you, like making a song for you, or taking you out for a walk to their favorite spot? It’s the same for every other holiday, it’s the thought that counts, and if you think more about that thing it means more to the other person. It’s really sad about the airplane that crashed and all those people died. I was watching the news, and this lady who was about to get on the plane, but instead she decided she wanted to get something to eat before heading back home was talking. She was saying that she was talking to a young girl who was planning to head back home for Valentine’s Day, and she said that this young girl said she was excited to get back to see her boyfriend and parents. It’s a real reminder of how fragile life really is and people should really realize how important it is to appreciate what they actually have instead of wishing that they could get more and more. Not to say that it’s not important to try to improve and better one’s situation but sometimes it’s just nice to appreciate what you have in front of you. I guess that’s what Valentines Day is is all about.
My brother made it to the state swimming competition and my dad stopped by Thursday so he could take me out to get groceries. I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to watch high school guys swim from 7:00 in the morning to 5:00 in the evening. I should probably finish some homework before I have to go to work. I got a take home test from psychology, so I’ve been working on that since Thursday. Most of the time I’ve been just sitting back and relaxing, but I did take advantage of the short burst of nice weather that we had to go out and ride my bike and jog. I’ll have to get the back tire fixed again though because it’s been flat for awhile, and I tried to use my bike pump so it probably needs to be replaced. I hope everyone has a nice snowy Valentine’s Day weekend, and make sure to have some fun.

I've been really procrastinating on my notes for psychology. I've decided that I'm sick of writing down notes in my notebook so I'm doing it on Microsoft one note from now on. I'll just print it off and paste it in my notebook. I hate buying books each semester, I had to pay around 200 bucks just for books this semester and it cost 1,200 for tuition. I shouldn't be complaining about tuition because I'm going to have to start paying 10x more once I transfer to an instate university. I have no idea how my parents are going to be able to afford paying for all my living expenses when they still have to put my brother though college as well. Hes graduating this year, and he says he wants to go to ISU, but my parents doubt hes going to be accepted. I think UNI is a little more easier to get into then both Iowa and ISU, its also cheaper too. In any case its going to be weird seeing my younger brother going to college. Other then all this financial shannagains it's been a pretty interesting week so far now that school has unofficially started up now. I almost got fired from my job last Wednesday because someone who said they would work for me dident show up, and I dident call the manager to tell him that I wasent working. Not that I really need to work, but it honestly sucks not to have any money to spend. Plus working takes a little of the edge off of what my parents are already spending on me. School is going great so far, I've managed to change a lot in the past few years. This semester is pretty easy because a few of my classes are hybrid classes (half online, half classroom) which really dose help take the pressure of work and school off a little bit. Other then all that Im really wishing that all this snow and ice disappears soon. I hate having to walk all the way to the rec center to work out. I usually don't mind jogging in the cold weather but 8 degrees is a little too cold to be running around in, especially with all this ice and snow. I really want to get my bike out again and start riding again. I suppose that winter will be ending soon enough anyway.

I thought it would be interesting to quiz my self

Have you ever danced in the rain?
No, but I thought about it

What's the weather like right now?
Sunny and cold

What time did you wake up this morning?
10:13

What color are your bed sheets?
Green

What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
Frosted Mini Wheats with chocolate skim milk

Last time you took a shower?
This morning

Do you miss anyone right now?
sure, I miss a few people out there

Do you smoke?
No

What is your full name?
Nickolas Clay Smith

Have you ever been in a car accident?
Nope

How old were you when you received your first kiss?
I think I was 17 years old

Is there anything that you have done that you regret?
Sure, everyone has things that they regret doing

What do you want to be when you grow up?
I honestly don't know yet. I'm thinking about being a therapist, historian, actor, or even a writer

Do you believe in love at first sight?
I believe in attraction at first sight, anyone who falls in love with someone without knowing what kind of person they are is asking for trouble

What color shirt are you wearing?
Red

What are you afraid of?
Living the rest of my life all alone

Are you religious?
No

What does your screen name mean?
I know its weird, Self= Me Bobo= Albert Bandura's Bobo Doll

What is your perfect pizza?
The one I just had last Friday

What is your first thought when waking up in the morning?
Why do I feel so crappy

What is your first thought before you go to bed?
I better brush my teeth

Do you get along with your family?
sometimes

Do you play any instruments?
Guitar

What kind of music do you like?
I've gotten into classical a lot lately but I still like classic rock, alternative, folk, ect.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
No, I think tattoos just look plain unattractive on people.

How many piercings do you have?
None, and I wont get any. Its just a hassle with cleaning and the pain getting it just to fit in with the crowd.

Who would you want to be tied to for 24hours?
Someone who would probably feel uncomfortable being tied to me. Then again anyone would be uncomfortable being tied to anyone for 24 hours.

Have you ever seen a dead body?
I'm glad that I have not

Do you have a celebrity crush?
No, celebrity's are just like us, why treat them like gods?

What is one thing scientists should invent?
teleportation

Have you ever broken a bone?
No

Do you watch or read the news?
both

If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change?
That I could be more honest to people about my emotions

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
No

Have you ever stolen anything?
I stole some money from my brother once

Do you make wishes on shooting stars?
Yea

Do you remember your dreams?
Only the good ones

Have you ever been in love?
A few times

Are you a morning person or a night person?
I think I'm more of a night person

Do you have any phobias?
Not really

Have you ever been to the hospital (other then birth?
Yea, I got an operation on my right ear

Have you ever had a nightmare?
Yea, I had a bad one a few nights ago

Have you ever written a love letter?
A few times

Have you ever attempted suicide?
No, but I thought about it

Do you prefer boxers or briefs?
boxers

Do you usually prefer books or movies?
I like both of them

Would you ever have sex before marriage?
Duh, yea

Would you ever date someone younger than you? Older than you?
Something about older girls is just more attractive then a younger girl. An older girl is usually more stable, responsible, experienced in terms of relationships, and has less drama.

Have you ever hated someone?
No, I don't hate anyone

Do you prefer talking on the phone or online?
Online, I don't really feel comfortable talking on the phone with people

Do you consider yourself popular?
No

Plain or peanut?
Plain

smooth or crunchy?
Smooth

White or wheat?
White

Coldplay or Nivana?
Coldplay

Purple or Chartruese?
Purple

Aliens or Ghosts?
Ghosts

Do you believe in ghosts?
No

Do you obsess over little things?
Sometimes

Favorite city?
New York

Favorite store?
Barns & Nobles

What's the most attractive part of your body?
I don't know, my eyes I guess

If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?
I would love to go to France, Spain, or Japan. One of those three.

Do you like sushi?
Yea!

Honestly, what are the chances of school being canceled the first day? School was canceled for me today so my next class is this Wednesday. This semester is not a bad load I guess, 15 credit hours. I had a wonderful break, not too stressful, and the perfect time for me to just sit back and relax. I managed to get most of what I wanted for Christmas, better then last year in my opinion. This year I got a new phone (LG Dare) which was most of my Christmas present. I usually always ask for a few books for Christmas, I got "The Host", by Stephenie Meyer, "An Incomplete Education" by some guy, and barns and nobles was having a buy two get one free deal on classic's so I decided that I would buy a few. My cousin was making a lot of fun at me for reading one of Stephenie Meyer's books. He's probably right, I have a feeling its going to be less science fiction and more of that puke your guts out romance drama. I don't think I quite get the whole hype about the twilight series, but I'm definitely not willing to pay for all the books to get the story unless I really think its that good. Other then some books and a phone I got one of those fuzzy smooth blankets, Rome: Season II, a light up keyboard, and a bright red stapler.
I was a little hesitant at first but I finally got a netflix account, and I'm pretty excited about it. I've managed to connect my Xbox to my netflix account, and watch movies from my tv! So my new favorite hobby has been watching movies as much as I possibly can. I don't have any classes this Tuesday so I guess I have one more day of freedom before its time to hit the books. Eh, I'm kinda excited about school. I hate the fact that they don't keep the sidewalks regularly cleared, half the time I'm having to walk though half a foot of snow with no boots, bah. I'll write something tomorrow because I think this was kind of a weak post, oh well. I have to wake up early to get some school supply's with my dad. I like target better so I guess were proably going to go their. Ugh, I just don't want to wake up at 7:00 again.

Today was pretty strange, I woke up this morning to find my dad banging on my window. I guess my phone need some charging because he was trying to call me all day yesterday. Geez, I was back at home last Saturday. I had to go downtown to talk to the lawyer my dad hired for me. I got the impression that he was a nice old guy. He was saying that he's been a lawyer since 1961. Its really hard to imagine that you could be stuck in a carrier for that amount of time. I suppose thats whats so great about being so young is that you have so many chances to change the path your on. I still have no idea what I really want to do and its hard for me to want to pick a particular path to go down. My bad habits have kind of side tracked me half the time. When my dad came over my place was a mess and he was telling me that I should take some pride in my apartment, and hes right. I don't really take pride in anything anymore, its like I've just let myself go, like I just don't care anymore. Needless to say I managed to clean my whole apartment, but I really need to keep it a regular habit. Right now I'm trying to procrastinate on writing my Paper for English. I'm supposed to be writing about the comparison between the Kennedy administration and Camelot. Its supposed to be six pages; Ive got three so far but I think I'm trying too hard to be a perfectionist and its taking forever. It was really nice to see it snowing Saturday, I was at work from 4 to close that day which was really nice because we dident have many people come in that day. I was working with kyle, and he is probably one of my favorite people to work with just because we are able to talk to each other about basically anything. His ex-girl friend came in while we were trying to close, and she got all mad at him that he wasent give her enough attention. I understand that girls need their guys to be there regularly but she wanted him to be around her 24/7. Its was pretty interesting hearing his stories about his ex and just girls. It was kind of funny, earlier that night we were getting into an argument about the perfect bra size, he said that DD was the perfect size but I thought that was a little too much and that a C or D was far more attractive. I suppose that its personal opinion but there has to be a point where it gets to be too much and not even attractive. It was kind of the conversation that guys talk about but don't want girls to know they talk about it. I cant wait for Christmas! Although it just dose not seem as magical as it was when I was a child its still something that I look forward to every year. I still haven't figured out what I want to put on my list. I was thinking about getting an acoustic guitar but I'm thinking that just might be a little too much to ask for. I don't know, I should be able to figure something out by the end of the week. I may not believe in the reason for celebrating Christmas, but I'm still glad that I can celebrate it anyway.
I've pretty much made up my mind that I'm going to try to get out of my apartment as much as I possibly can. I've spent too much time in here to myself, and I really need to get out and meet people. I'm going to try to do some acting, I hope I can find an acting club at school. Otherwise I might just join a political club and talk about politics. My mom and dad have said I would be really good at acting if I put my mind to it, and i think they are right. I've been doing some practice in the mirror, and I cant help but laugh at myself every time I do it. I hope that acting might force me to be a more confident person. It seems whenever I write a paper, or do poetry, or try to act in the mirror I see someone that I want other people to see. I kinda want to also get in touch with old high school friends but I'm afraid that half the people in high school want nothing to do with me. Ive noticed that I never get any messages on my facebook board anymore, and it's telling when I message someone and they don't reply. Now I don't really go on anymore, and I probably check it once a month. The only time anyone cares or even notices me is when my birthday rolls around and I get 10 to 15 happy birthday messages, and then nothing for a few months. Maybe I'm just the black sheep to everyone, I never really could fit in high school and my problems followed me right into college. It makes me so depressed sometimes that I don't have what other people have like lots of friends, a girlfriend, and super grades. Anyway its nice to know that I'm better then I was a year ago. Maybe thats what I have to do, take small baby steps.

I don't have any school today so I suppose that I should have some time to kill just to write stuff out. Its pretty hard to believe that the first semester is almost over, and its even harder to believe that its almost been two years since high school, where dose the time go? For some reason I'm still tired even after sleeping for about six hours. I can be an insomniac from time to time so it might be because I don't have a set bed time; some nights its sleep at 11, others at 3 in the morning. Right now my desk is cluttered with cups, crumbs, some triscuits I'm eating now for my breakfast (not much of a breakfast). I'm kinda feeling like havening some cereal but I just have cholate milk so I don't know how good it will taste. After that I just might just relax watch some you tube vids, surf the net a little, watch a movie, and then head off to work. I kinda hate havening a job right now but I really need to save up enough money for a lot of things. Last Friday I got my paycheck and I was heading down to the gas station to deposit it in the atm machine. They got a new atm maching, which was a bad thing because I cant deposit anything in the fucking thing. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to deposit my checks now with out havening to rely on someone else to take me to the bank each time I get paid. I would ride my bike but its getting way to cold to even be on a bike. I bet people think I'm crazy for riding my bike out when its 20 degrees outside.
This Thursday I'm heading back home for thanksgiving. I suppose I should be thinking of all the things that I'm thankful for but it seems that I can only think of things I could have done better or dident do at all. I get hung up on stupid things all the time, and I hate that about me. Can I do something in my life with out feeling any regrets, or thinking about the what-if's. Sometimes the only thing I think I should be grateful for is that I'm actually alive on this earth, but sometimes that dosent even seem like something to be grateful for. I suppose I'm just drifting in my own self pity. I should stop ranting like this because it kind annoys me that thats all I can ever think about when I write one of these journal entries. I suppose that I really don't have much in my life to write about, or when something dose happen I don't really know what to say or I'm too ashamed to talk about it online. The only reason that I have this journal is because it makes me more at ease when I have something to talk about or when I don't feel very good. I hope the people who do read my journal are able to walk in my shoes and maybe understand me a little better, because I do feel misunderstood a lot in my life. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving, and try to think of things you should be thankful for.

All I can say is that this week has been just plain hectic, and strange. Just thought I should give you an update on what happened to me. I told you guys earlier that my roommate I moved in with did some weed, and it turns out he was selling the stuff too. My roommate had been getting his weed though the mail, which probably wasn’t the smartest idea to do in the first place. It turns out that the federal and state government was watching him for sometime so they could build up a case against him. So, Wednesday morning I woke up to find ATF agents and CR Police jumping on my bed, pulling me on the ground, and putting handcuffs on me. As soon as they found out who I was though they got me out of the handcuffs and started to question me about my roommate. They let me go with a misdemeanor, and I have to show up in court the 19th or I'm going to be arrested. My roommate on the other hand is charged with possession, money laundering, and distribution. He's probably going to get off because he gave police information about the people he was getting it from. Still, my mom was going nuts when I told her what happened. She worried that I might have to pay a huge fine or spend some time in jail. I told her that a misdemeanor is not that big of a deal. The charge is about as bad as playing your music too loud, so the worst I could get is a fine. I don't know if I should fight it or just take it. I think it’s wrong that I should be charged with something my roommate did, it just seems like guilt by association to me. My dads asking a lawyer about the options that I can take, but this whole thing has just been another pain that I have to deal with. All I know now is that my roommate is getting evicted and he should be moving out sometime next weekend. Which is kind of cool that I get the appatment to myself. If I get another roommate I'm going to make sure that he understands that I wont tolerate weed or smoking at all, I'm just tired that I have to deal with it all. I'm not going to be labeled a criminal because of someone else. Still he was a nice guy, and I really diden't have any other problems with him. Well, him and his girlfriend could have gone somewhere else when they had sex or at least try to not make it so obvious what they were doing. That kind of annoyed me a little bit. Like to day when I was talking with my mom on the phone about school and this whole situation, they were at it in the shower and I was about to just go outside I was so frustrated with everything. You think they could show some respect while I'm on the fucking phone.
On the bright side the computer I built is all fixed now so I should be going to get that tomorrow. It’s going to be so nice to free up some desk space, all of these cords shooting out of my laptop are a real pain. Other then that I have to work 11-7 tomorrow which is great because I hate working close. It might give me some time to catch up with my history studies, I'm falling behind in that class and I really need some time to get all my notes caught up with before my next exam. Well, what a week. I would write more but its getting too late for me, I def need to get some sleep especially if I’m waking up early. Night.

Got ya! My cousin is getting married this weekend though and I'm going to have to come along. Last Saturday I went out with my parents to pick out a suit at some suit shop. I have to admit that I look rather dashing. I keep on finding myself looking in the mirror and doing James Bond impressions. I think I picked out something that looked stylish, and the people at the suit place were a real help too. I got a black suit, black tie, white button up shirt, and black square shoes. I had a real problem with the tie for a while, I kept on wishing I had a girl around who knew how to tie one. I managed to look online and figure out how to tie the thing myself, but that took a while. The wedding should be nice but I just know it will be boring, and just sitting and doing nothing for hours on end is not my idea of a fun time. I'm sure my cousin wont be so board on the other hand, if I was him I would be nervous beyond belief. I suppose the food has also got me mouth watering too, chocolate strawberries, cake, ice cream, and cookies. My parents are picking me up right after I get done with my test in biology. I was kind of disappointed because I wanted to stop by home because I haven't been back since the start of school. I will be back for thanksgiving, but that just seems so far away. Other then that I just feel like life is going so much better then it did last year. All of a sudden I feel like I'm starting to be more responsible with my future by havening a job and going to school. I'm glad that I had a seconded chance to change things around for myself, now all I need is a girl and I think I'm good. Easier said then done, right. I'm going to get something to chow down on, I haven't had anything to eat all day today.Ill try to post some pictures of my cousins wedding up on here once I get back. You guys have a nice day.

Darn I have to make this one pretty short. Ill prob write one a few days later after this when I have a little more time to write. But Yesterday was my birthday! I don't know why I'm so excited about turning 20, I guess its the fact that I'm no longer a teenager anymore. My birthday wasn't too bad. My birthday celebration was a few beers with some friends of mine and a day off of work. My parents want to take me out sometime this weekend but I don't know if I have to work over the weekend. Anyway, I'm just a little curious what my birthday present is going to be. Anymore my parents all ways let me pick out one thing for my birthday, so I'm still trying to figure out what to get. Sorry, this one kind of sucked but I have to get going to work. See ya later.